just another side of me…

being submissive ?

I think the hardest part for me when I was getting started was actually accepting the label of submissive, it seems to have a bad connotation with it in every day society, and was connected with being passive too much, or a push over. I’m not necessarily submissive in every day environments, especially not to everyone, although I do have my submissive tendencies. Just because someone tells me to do something doesn’t mean that I am going to go and do it. I do like making people comfortable and making sure people are alright, but there is an extent. Also I had to argue with the fact that I love to debate with people and have discussions where I don’t easily back down. I also had to deal with the fact that I had spent most of my years from elementary school to recent to prove that I could do anything a guy could do. I felt like proclaiming that I was submissive took away from that and discredited any attempts or successes of the past sense I had ideas of submitting to a man. I somehow felt that would make me less of a person.

I eventually had to come to understand that the fact that I am submissive doesn’t change me as a person, it’s not like all the sudden I wake up, decide I’m submissive and never have an argument again, and never try to prove I can do things just as well as the next person, that just wasn’t it. I also had to learn that being submissive doesn’t mean I am submissive to every person out there, and defiantly not even every person that calls themselves a Dom. I had to learn that I didn’t mind being submissive to one person. It doesn’t make me any less of a person, and it doesn’t make me weak. This issue has come up with me at least twice so far, once when I first entered the BDSM world which was the hardest and another time while I was in my relationship, which wasn’t as big of an issue it was just a matter of reminding myself.

I had to understand that I am only submissive to my Master, and that doesn’t make me weak, and it doesn’t mean I am a doormat. I think it becomes quite the opposite; it makes me a stronger person. Not only am I able to trust him and his decisions, weather I fully understand them or not, I can trust him to make the correct decisions which I have learned over this past year. I trust myself more now in knowing I made the right decision in choosing to be his submissive which gives me a sense of empowerment strangely enough. It also shows you how to fess up to your actions and take responsibility, regardless if it was there before or not it’s a whole different concept. It gives you a whole new sense of accountability and honesty. For example for him to make the best decision he needs to know of all the aspects of the situation which requires me to tell them to him no matter what they may be. Which is different because I am used to taking responsibility for my actions, the difference is its not in the terms of then explaining them to someone else, and not just acknowledging that I made the ones I did. If I do have an issue with something I know I should bring it up. It’s not wrong to ask questions, or raise concerns, or have an opinion if you don’t then how will they ever know you have them?

I also had to realize that its not that I’m incapable of making a decision, it’s that if I want to live under him I do so by his standards, and by allowing him to make the decisions he feels are necessary, and going in the direction he feels is best for me and us. It’s more of being able to trust that he weighed all the pros and cons and made the best choice for you. It has also built my confidence in many ways, I know that when I do as he says I will always have someone to back me up and be there for me, and stand behind me. Someone who will not let me fail, and will encourage me to try again, and if I am stuck or need help, that there is always some there for me.

Basically what I learned from this is there are many different types of Dom’s out there, there are going to be a lot that are not for you and maybe a handful that are your type. Don’t build yourself up every time going “this is it this has to be the one! We’re meeting up and then were going to be together forever” look at things rationally. Also don’t let the idiots block you from your happiness, enjoy the entertainment while your searching and have fun with it. But please be safe about it, and don’t settle for someone who isn’t a match for you, they arn’t going to change for you, just like they shouldn’t expect you to change for them.


9 responses

  1. medo

    hi :
    in fact i’ve the same view about submissive and slavery.
    i’m not a dom or a master i’m a normal guy believe in love and worshiping relationship.
    i’m so fall in love with the idea of being to one woman and so fall in love with being created for her happiness.
    i don’t know if i’m submissive or not but i discovered that through my foot fetish so i think i’m submissive too.
    i commented here to tell you that you are a good person and it’s a honor at least for me to be your friend.
    Good Luck

    just a friend,call me medo

    October 6, 2010 at 5:53 AM

  2. I am glad to be your friend, medo..and as you told me, I think you re kinkers too…:)
    try it, and you will find something different and enjoy it…good luck and always do “safe,sane and consensual” take care…

    October 6, 2010 at 4:59 PM

    • medo

      Thank u so much grace and i think i’ll try it but i’m a little afraid of it.
      cause i think i’m not ready enough for pain specially my balls i couldn’t know how to trust a girl i mean my future mistress for not hurting me on them.
      and the idea of telling her about that make me a fool cause it’s break all the pleasure and break the amazing feeling of being under total control.

      cause of that i’ve told u i don’t know if i’m submissive or not, to be a slave the whole idea is about to trust the person u love and u think u are belong to.

      i wish i can be like u


      October 12, 2010 at 2:42 AM

  3. I really enjoyed reading this Grace. It’s not often a person understands themselves so well and can bare their soul, their feelings, their wants, desires,their understanding of another human being. To care so much, so deeply about someone you respect and love, is truly a wonderful thing. It’s a shame that people who fall in love and get married, don’t have the understanding that you do of yourself and any partner you may have. You seem to be leaning more toward love and a mutual appreciation of your partner, than simply being a submissive. As the term actually means to submit or surrender in obedience, yielding to another ones desires above your own, shows a real trust of your partner, one which you seem to want, need and desire. I really hope you find what you desire, and as I have told you in the past: It’s not where you have come from, or where you are going, what’s important is the journey itself.

    October 21, 2010 at 6:08 AM

  4. bobby

    as monnie said in the earlier post, I too think that this was an enjoyable read. i relate with what u said as i have learned it from one of my previous relationship as well. there’s no one stronger than a submissive women who wilfuly submit to the person she trusts. keep those good posts comin

    November 10, 2010 at 4:34 PM

  5. I like your candor & sincerity as well as the courage to post your thinking about submission. Please be aware there are many like myself who share your feelings. You are giving me courage to continue in my relationship.

    November 15, 2010 at 5:07 AM

  6. Alexander Talenan

    Hi Grace,

    What an interesting exposition. Thanks a lot that now I can understand the proper argument in a sub’s point of view.

    I’d like to share my point of view as a dom, at least one of my kind.
    For me, the point of being a dominant is not merely on trampling on the sub’s dignity, nor on taking pleasure from the suffering of a sub. How selfish would I be if I played my role as a master without paying attention on sub’s essential desire.

    Although the sub is usually on a powerless condition (physically being restrained, deactivation of communication ability, etc), it may not be apparent that I actually pay serious attention on the sub’s desire. The sub wants to be dominated, but I guess the desire is always on a certain kind of domination. So as the one who take the control, I have to be able to deliver the kind of pleasure that both me and the sub want to achieve.

    I understand that the essence of a sub is when there is a total dependency, trust and obedience. So, on my side, other than giving the domination acts, I have to provide protection, trustworthy and good authority/control over the whole scenario. If these points are stressed in dom-sub relationship, I believe love and appreciation can evolve in a unique way.

    These all being said that dom-sub relationship is not merely based on selfishness of a dom and foolishness of a sub. Moreover I feel sad to see many doms are basically want to trample and destroy the subs in the wrong way.

    Thanks for the article again, Grace. It is good to know that some sub like you can put much thought to make accurate arguments about this. Only a handful that I know has this ability, especially in Indo.

    Salam kenal.

    April 4, 2011 at 12:39 PM

  7. Jan Sweden

    Lovely to see you again Grace, I hope all is ok with you!

    May 4, 2011 at 8:20 PM

  8. Pingback: Addicted To Love | Hipster Racist

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