being submissive ?
I think the hardest part for me when I was getting started was actually accepting the label of submissive, it seems to have a bad connotation with it in every day society, and was connected with being passive too much, or a push over. I’m not necessarily submissive in every day environments, especially not to everyone, although I do have my submissive tendencies. Just because someone tells me to do something doesn’t mean that I am going to go and do it. I do like making people comfortable and making sure people are alright, but there is an extent. Also I had to argue with the fact that I love to debate with people and have discussions where I don’t easily back down. I also had to deal with the fact that I had spent most of my years from elementary school to recent to prove that I could do anything a guy could do. I felt like proclaiming that I was submissive took away from that and discredited any attempts or successes of the past sense I had ideas of submitting to a man. I somehow felt that would make me less of a person.
I eventually had to come to understand that the fact that I am submissive doesn’t change me as a person, it’s not like all the sudden I wake up, decide I’m submissive and never have an argument again, and never try to prove I can do things just as well as the next person, that just wasn’t it. I also had to learn that being submissive doesn’t mean I am submissive to every person out there, and defiantly not even every person that calls themselves a Dom. I had to learn that I didn’t mind being submissive to one person. It doesn’t make me any less of a person, and it doesn’t make me weak. This issue has come up with me at least twice so far, once when I first entered the BDSM world which was the hardest and another time while I was in my relationship, which wasn’t as big of an issue it was just a matter of reminding myself.
I had to understand that I am only submissive to my Master, and that doesn’t make me weak, and it doesn’t mean I am a doormat. I think it becomes quite the opposite; it makes me a stronger person. Not only am I able to trust him and his decisions, weather I fully understand them or not, I can trust him to make the correct decisions which I have learned over this past year. I trust myself more now in knowing I made the right decision in choosing to be his submissive which gives me a sense of empowerment strangely enough. It also shows you how to fess up to your actions and take responsibility, regardless if it was there before or not it’s a whole different concept. It gives you a whole new sense of accountability and honesty. For example for him to make the best decision he needs to know of all the aspects of the situation which requires me to tell them to him no matter what they may be. Which is different because I am used to taking responsibility for my actions, the difference is its not in the terms of then explaining them to someone else, and not just acknowledging that I made the ones I did. If I do have an issue with something I know I should bring it up. It’s not wrong to ask questions, or raise concerns, or have an opinion if you don’t then how will they ever know you have them?
I also had to realize that its not that I’m incapable of making a decision, it’s that if I want to live under him I do so by his standards, and by allowing him to make the decisions he feels are necessary, and going in the direction he feels is best for me and us. It’s more of being able to trust that he weighed all the pros and cons and made the best choice for you. It has also built my confidence in many ways, I know that when I do as he says I will always have someone to back me up and be there for me, and stand behind me. Someone who will not let me fail, and will encourage me to try again, and if I am stuck or need help, that there is always some there for me.
Basically what I learned from this is there are many different types of Dom’s out there, there are going to be a lot that are not for you and maybe a handful that are your type. Don’t build yourself up every time going “this is it this has to be the one! We’re meeting up and then were going to be together forever” look at things rationally. Also don’t let the idiots block you from your happiness, enjoy the entertainment while your searching and have fun with it. But please be safe about it, and don’t settle for someone who isn’t a match for you, they arn’t going to change for you, just like they shouldn’t expect you to change for them.